Change

So I guess I've always been really afraid of change.
By the age of 7 I had moved too many times, said goodbye way too many times.
I was really good at packing up everything and moving on.
I dont know if that was a good thing or not.
I guess short term it was a good thing, I didnt cry for very long or pine for old friendships and locations.
Long term it sort of messed me up.
Once we settled here, I realised how much change sucked and didnt want to do it anymore.
I usually go with the flow but really, change scares me.
I hate when my relationships change or when people leave,
and people always leave.
People cant stay here in one place to suit my comfort.
But wouldnt it be cool if they could?
Alot has changed around me lately.
Ive changed...so much
I somehow worked up the courage to be honest about things I've been afraid of voicing for years.
Which is kind of cool, but now I'm stuck dealing with the consequences.
My relationships are changing and I'm changing some more, and it's unreal.
I dont like it, but I guess I'm accepting it.
It's scary to let go of people who have always been here,
but I find that I'm preparing to do that because of the choices I've made lately.
I'm in such a weird almost emotionless place right now.
I've cried and yelled so much in the last couple of weeks that i'm almost numb.
Not bad numb, not emo numb.
Just unable to spare the unneccessary emotion for this drama.
These dramas.
I dont really know where I'm going with this anymore.
Maybe I'm just not sure where I'm going anymore.