Smolly Woodford

So today I was thinking about why Mols is my bestfriend. We fight alot and occasionally drive eachother crazy. But even during the worst fights when we didnt talk for months at a time I couldnt let go of our friendship completely. Today I realised why that is. No matter what, she just wants me to be happy. Nothing brings her more joy than when I'm happy or in a situation that will bring me epic amounts of joy. She'll support me through ridiculous crushes or schemes i concoct when my senses take leave/a very long holiday just in case it leads to something incredible for me. I once asked her why she jumps on every Michelle and (fill in the blank) bandwagon and she replied "I'm on the michelle bandwagon."
I've often said that I can't be bestfriends with girls, but Mols is a pretty amazing bestfriend.

__Coward__

I don't like my life very much anymore.
I'm not sure if I ever really have.
I'm not a happy person generally, really pessimistic the majority of the time.

I'm really into escapism these days,
I read books, I watch movies, I listen to music that reflects the way that I feel,
The music reflects my thoughts,
But only if you're really listening for it.

I do things to distract from my own life,
The ever-growing list of problems to deal with.

Escaping feels safer, not safe exactly, just safer.
Like I can lie to myself for a few hours,
Even if no one else is buying it.
And I'm really starting to wonder if anyone does,
Buy it, that is.

I've never been a very good liar,
My eyes tell what my words won't say.
So maybe it would be better, easier if I would just tell them.
But what would I say?

I've been lying, to them and myself for too long,
To even know how to word how I feel.
He probably understands better than I do.
The way his eyes flash when they meet mine,
Tells me that He at least isn't buying it,
My lame attempt at Okayness.

But it would hurt them all alot more,
To actually know, instead of merely assuming.
They'd worry,
Or at least he would.

The words would only cut,
The tears would sting the wounds I had caused.

So perhaps silence is better,
How easily it is to justify my cowardice.

I feel like i'm no longer an active participant in my life

Drifting
from one breath
to the next

Running
from one place
to another

Dreaming
of another life
an easier path

Escaping
to a life
that just isn't mine

Sleeping
through it all
just to dream of something better

Smiling
through the haze
to satisfy your feelings

Drowning
as i struggle
to find myself again.