I was just reading over my blog and I'm amazed that I haven't posted in what seems like years.
It was actually a really cool experience reading over all of my old thoughts.
Some of them were juvenile and downright embarrassing.
But a lot of them were really cool.
I really enjoyed reading over how I felt about all of my friends.
5 years ago if someone had asked me what they all meant to me I'd have told you that they were my soulmates. All of them.
Not in the Married with kids way. But I genuinely believed and wanted to spend my life with those people.
I'm not really friends with most of them anymore. We grew up and moved on.
Some of my relationships faded with distance. Some ended in hurt and confusion.
Even the relationships that I still have with these people have evolved and changed so much that my 18 year old self wouldn't recognize them.
I've spent a lot of time feeling sad about the end of these relationships. Even more time spent feeling bitter about change in general.
But I really liked being able to read about what I loved about them.
Because when friendships end, it can be really hard to remember the great times.
And my little group of soulmates? We had so many great times.
We had sleepovers that consisted of very little sleep and a whole lot of love.
We had hangouts where we laughed until our ribs ached.
There were endless amounts of laughter and smiling and even tears.
We were so important to eachother. We loved eachother in a way that confused a lot of people.
We loved eachother completely, in a way that I've never seen in a group of friends before.
Unfortunately a love that complex leads to a crazy amount of vulnerability. And my little group of friends? Were almost as good at hurting eachother as we were at loving eachother.
Even with the way that most of the relationships ended, I wouldn't change a thing.
I can't imagine ever loving a group of people the way I loved my little group of soulmates. And friends or not, I will always love them. Because soulmates? They're forever.
